Saturday, April 13, 2013

Speaking LIFE to your children....

Matthew 12:36-37 "I tell you, son the day of judgment tpeople will give account for uevery careless word they speak,for vby your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

As parents, it is so easy to get overwhelmed with all that needs to be done, and frustrated when we can't get it accomplished. It's easy to get frustrated with ourselves when we feel like we fall short and there isn't enough of us to go around. It's easy to get frustrated with our mates when so much needs to be done and our spouse comes home and goes to bed instead of helping. It's easy to get frustrated when our children aren't as cooperative as we would like, won't clean their rooms, do their homework without being forced into it, eat the dinner we present to them, help with household chores, or worse, be openly defiant and into things we know are dangerous and detrimental. 

It is okay to address all these issues with your children and with your spouse... but I caution you about the manner you go about it. I hear so many people screaming, yelling and name calling with their children and it's pathetic. There is nothing whatsoever that could merit a three year old to be screamed at or called names ( Okay, you can scream at him if he's about to fall in a hole or get hit by a falling limb or something like that!). It is equally shameful to address any child, or adult for that matter, in such a manner. But for the purpose of this discussion, I think I'll stick to the very young children, since that is what I recently witnessed. 

People lose their cool with children  for so many reasons... but mainly I think out of frustration with themselves. Yes, toddlers and young children act up. They will push you as far they can. They get tired, hungry, bored, mad because they can't have the toy/candy they want... they pitch fits, whine and otherwise engage in unruly behavior, often in public where it is embarrassing. But when you, as the parent, resort to yelling, threatening, cursing and name calling, you reduce yourself and your authority over that child to being a bully, instead of being the loving, caring, in-charge, in-control adult God meant for you to be when HE entrusted that child to your care. You let the tongue be controlled by your flesh, which is  the natural evil of the world, instead of controlling it with the loving patient spirit your are capable of through the love of Christ and the blessing of the Holy Spirit. When you are saved and Baptised, you put off that "old man" , that worldly man who acted in worldly ways and you put on your NEW MAN... your new righteousness, with the need and ability to live rightly, practicing the things we are commanded and now desire to do:

1 Corinthians 

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The "rebirth" we experience through being saved and inviting Jesus into our lives and hearts, and by being Baptised causes a renewal of our spirit and we are no longer the same as we once were. However, that is not to say that we cannot get caught up in our frustrations or anger and let our emotions and tongue get away from us. We must 'renew' everyday, for although we are a ' peculiar people ' and not to be part of  'the world ' , we still must live in the world, and daily stresses of doing so wear on us.

James 3:8 "..but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." 


We as mere humans, could not control our tongues without the blessing of the Holy Spirit and his continual help. And He is there to help us, always. 

1 Peter 3:10  Forb“Whoever desires to love life and see good days,  him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit..."

Fortunately for us, the Lord is full of forgiveness and grace! And new Christians as well as seasoned ones, may benefit from repenting of these things. Keep in mind that repenting means to "turn away from", not just that I'm sorry I did it this time, but I'm not making an effort to change my behavior, so I'll be repenting again in a few days.. You have to make an effort too. 

Proverbs 18:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."

Now that we've covered the effects that not controlling your tongue has on you, lets talk a little bit on what it does to those on the receiving end of hateful words, the children. 

Our job as parents is to love our children, to teach them love. To discipline them with love, teach them about the LORD's ways, HIS love for humanity, HIS forgiveness and grace. Our job is to speak LIFE into our children. Our greatest tool for doing this is by example. At the brink of lashing out, take a breath, and imagine what you look and sound like to your child. What would Jesus counsel you to do? Screaming, threatening and name calling not only hurts their feelings, the damage can have life long implications for them. They learn to distrust the very people they should trust the most. They learn that they aren't worth respecting. If you tell them they are stupid, they will believe it. If you tell them they are fat, ugly, clumsy, incompetent, useless.... they WILL believe it.  Many times, children will become what you convince them they are.

They will get these beliefs into their spirits and believe that they are what you say they are, and once it is ingrained in them, it is very difficult to ever change their opinion of themselves. This low self esteem that you put into your child will effect who that child is well into adulthood. It will effect who he chooses to hang out with, how well he achieves academically, activities he chooses to participate in both good and bad, if he is a bully, or if he is withdrawn.  It will affect the kind of mate he chooses and habits he falls into. 

Children who cannot get love and validation at home will seek it outside the home at the first opportunity. Children who are ignored will act out in order to get your attention. They will cry out in a number of ways, trying to let you, as the parent, know they are in distress, they are in pain. 
Our juvenile systems and prisons are not filled with people who were raised with the LOVE of the LORD and positive images of themselves. 

Discipline of course is important. I advocate methods that don't tear at a childs self esteem or make them feel belittled or question their trust in you. What have you, as an adult,  accomplished by bullying, berating or terrifying a 6 year old? If you participate in that kind of behavior, the only thing you are really doing is teaching that child how to be a bully. Instead, follow Gods word, and discipline with love. You can be firm and mean business without bullying tactics. 

I urge you to seek out the Lord, first for your salvation and then continually seek His Word for wisdom and knowledge on how to best conduct yourself, and harness the ever dangerous tongue! 


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